For the one who is always fine, always easy, and quietly running on empty.
You’re probably the person everyone else leans on. You notice when someone’s mood shifts before they’ve said a word, you say “I don’t mind” when you do, and you rehearse conversations in your head long before and long after they happen. Saying no can feel almost physically uncomfortable, resting can feel like something you haven’t earned, and underneath all the kindness there’s often a quiet resentment that you then feel guilty for having.
People-pleasing rarely looks like a problem from the outside, because it looks like being generous, flexible and easy to be around. But on the inside it can mean losing track of what you actually want, feeling invisible in your own relationships, and carrying an exhaustion that’s hard to explain. Many people who come to me for people-pleasing also describe anxiety, burnout, trouble setting boundaries, or what’s sometimes called the fawn response.
People-Pleasing Therapy in Toronto
People-pleasing usually began as a way to stay safe
Most people-pleasers didn’t choose the role; they learned it. Perhaps keeping others happy was how you kept the peace at home, how you stayed close to someone whose love felt conditional, or how you avoided being seen as “too much”. At the time, putting everyone else first made complete sense, and it may have protected you in ways you couldn’t have managed otherwise.
That’s why advice like “just say no” so rarely lands, because the part of you that keeps everyone happy has been working hard to keep you safe for a very long time. In therapy, rather than trying to switch that part off, we get to know it, understand what it’s afraid would happen if you stopped, and help it learn that you can be loved and still have needs of your own.
How we work with people-pleasing in therapy
My approach is integrative and relational, which means the work follows you rather than a manual. We’ll start by noticing the small moments when you set yourself aside, the automatic yes, the swallowed opinion, the apology that wasn’t needed, and get curious about what happens inside you just before them.
I often draw on Internal Family Systems (IFS) to meet the part of you that keeps everyone comfortable, alongside attachment-based and psychodynamic work to understand where the pattern began. Somatic work helps you feel your body’s own yes and no again, and practical skills from DBT can make setting a boundary feel less like a crisis and more like an ordinary conversation.
Therapy itself becomes a place to practise, too. You’re welcome to disagree with me, tell me when something isn’t helping, and take up space in the room, which for many people-pleasers is a quietly radical experience.
What can change
People often find that they can name what they want without spending an hour deciding whether they’re allowed to. A no starts to feel survivable, the guilt spiral after setting a boundary gets shorter, and relationships begin to feel more mutual instead of one-sided. You don’t stop being kind or caring; you simply get to choose when and how you give, rather than giving because you feel you have no choice
Sessions
I’m Sabrine Soliman, a Registered Psychotherapist (CRPO) and the founder of Metamorphia Wellness. I see individuals online across Ontario, British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Newfoundland and Labrador, in person in Toronto on Monday evenings at 1179 King St W, and outdoors on Walk & Talk sessions in High Park.
Individual sessions are 50 minutes and $160, and receipts include my CRPO registration number, so you can submit them to most extended health plans that cover psychotherapy.
Frequently Asked Questions
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People-pleasing therapy is psychotherapy that focuses on the habit of putting other people’s needs, moods and approval ahead of your own. It explores where the pattern began, what it protects you from, and how to build relationships where your needs matter too.
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It can be. People-pleasing is often linked to the fawn response, a way of staying safe by keeping others calm and happy, which can develop after difficult or unpredictable relationships. It doesn’t always come from trauma, though, and therapy can help either way.
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Feeling guilty at first is normal, because your nervous system is used to keeping others comfortable at all costs. Therapy helps you understand that guilt, tolerate it without giving in to it, and gradually find that setting a boundary doesn’t have to cost you the relationship.
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Yes. Learning to recognise what you need and say it clearly and kindly is a big part of this work, and we practise it in ways that feel manageable rather than overwhelming.
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Yes. I offer online sessions across Ontario, BC, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Newfoundland and Labrador, as well as in-person sessions in Toronto and Walk & Talk sessions in High Park.
You’re allowed to have needs too
If you’ve read this far, it’s likely that some part of it felt familiar. You don’t need to have the words for what you want yet, and you don’t need to make it easy for me, so you’re welcome to start with a free 15-minute consultation to see whether working together feels right.
You might also like: Individual Therapy · Walk & Talk Therapy · Perfectionism Therapy